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[[File:mera.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Mera]]
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PLEASE NOTE:  Past Guest Commentary/Opinion articles can be viewed [[Past Guest Commentary/Opinion Articles | here]].
 
PLEASE NOTE:  Past Guest Commentary/Opinion articles can be viewed [[Past Guest Commentary/Opinion Articles | here]].
  
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=='''LISTEN TO REVEREND BRENT HAWKES' STIRRING LGBTQ TEDx TALK'''==  
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=='''Why Kids with Same-Sex Parents Aren’t Different from Other Kids'''==  
  
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By: The Reverend Brent Hawkes, C.M., Pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto
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By: Mera
  
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We highly recommend the recent TEDx talk given by the Reverend Brent Hawkes. The title of his presentation is 'Spirituality and Sexuality'. In explaining his personal story and those of others he has met throughout his life he has found that one does not have to choose between spirituality and sexuality, but rather that the two can co-exist. This is true regardless of one's sexual orientation.
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To understand why kids with same sex parents aren’t different from other kids, we must first look back at history. Back in 1960, over 70 percent of the children in the U.S. lived in a traditional household. A traditional household was considered to be made up of a mother and father in their first marriage. A lot has changed in the last 57 years. That figure has dropped to below half of the families in this country.
  
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As the Pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto, Rev. Hawkes has been at the forefront of ministry to the Gay & Lesbian Community in Toronto. He serves as spiritual leader to a faith community of more than 600 congregants at regular Sunday worship. As well, he has served the community at large with distinction, championing several Human Rights initiatives, especially benefiting the Gay & Lesbian Community.  Reverend Brent Hawke is a recipient of the Order of Canada.  
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Why’s this so? Well, divorce rates are up, there are more single parent families and a lot more same-sex parents. It’s difficult to estimate how many same-sex parents there are because of fear of safety and discrimination. One thing’s for certain: the nuclear family is no longer the modern family. According to a 2010 study by Stanford researcher Michael Rosenfeld of census data on school advancement, kids with same-sex parents fare no worse than those of opposite sex parents.
  
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By viewing and sharing, you are helping to bump this talk up to the full TED site.  Please share this inspiring talk with others.
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Which issues face both kids with same-sex parents and opposite-sex parents?
  
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To view the TEDx talk, [http://www.tedxtoronto.com/talks/spirituality-and-sexuality-rev-dr-brent-hawkes-c-m-tedxtoronto-2015/ CLICK HERE].
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'''Establishing Solid Role Models for Children''': Gender roles according to society are no longer the norm. A strong family doesn’t have to consist of a male breadwinner and a female homemaker who watches the children. To be role model figures for their children, parents should demonstrate proper morals and behavior that they would want their kids to emulate. This includes being good human beings, honest, respectful, supportive and loving. That’s what matters most.
  
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'''Saving Money for College Tuition''': With less middle class jobs (and blue collar jobs) available due to advancing technology, it’s becoming almost mandatory to have a college diploma for even retail and entry level positions. Attending an in state college can cost $25,000 a semester (or $200,000 for four years!).
  
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I stand here wearing religious clothing that for some symbolizes oppression. But I'm not a Priest. I'm a Metropolitan Community Church Pastor. I know how much this look turns some people off, but I choose not to surrender religious symbols or religious language to any institution that oppresses women and minorities.  And when I use God language some people will assume I'm using it in a narrow traditional sense and I'm not.  Often when people tell me they don't believe in God, I ask them to describe the God they don't believe in and I usually end up saying I don't believe in that god either. I believe that the beauty of nature and the wonder of the human body are not just chance. I believe there is something behind it all and I call that something God. Not an old white man with a beard ready to zap you when you do something wrong but a loving creative presence wishing to co-create with us an even better world. So if my look or my language initially bothers you, please hang in to see if what I have to say will comfort or challenge you even more............
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'''Addiction''': Substance abuse has been on the rise among children ages 12 and older. Substance abuse isn’t limited to illicit drugs like heroin and cocaine but also prescription medication and alcohol. This makes it even more important for parents to communicate and educate their kids about substance abuse prevention. Though these children may lead happy, fulfilling lives, this does not mean they don’t face added challenges that wouldn’t appear to their counterparts with heterosexual parents.
  
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So here goes-
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'''Discrimination''': Bullying exists in all schools and it’s difficult to combat. Children of same-sex parents will face the stigma of having two parents of the same gender. It’s unfortunate but it will pass. The key is that these children need to know that their parents love them no matter what.
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I get teary-eyed whenever a rainbow flag is raised.  I rejoice whenever there’s an advancement for the gay lesbian bisexual transgender community. I cheer when another celebrity comes out or another country approves equal marriage.  But even with all this, I know that millions of LGBT people live their lives longing to be part of a spiritual community, longing for a faith in a loving and accepting God and wanting the freedom to be who they really are, however, they are constantly pressured to choose between their spirituality and their sexuality. No one should have to make that choice. ..........But for many people that choice is forced upon them by their faith communities, their governments and their families. Deny who you are, give up your hope for love, and certainly don't push for equality and then maybe you'll be allowed to stay. Everyone should have the opportunity and the equal rights to love their God, to love themselves and to love the person they choose...........
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I know that being forced to choose your spirituality over who you are is not unique to the LGBT community.  Women, people in interfaith relationships, or those who just want to question some beliefs are often made to face the same choice.....
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'''Having More Than 2 Parents''': There are some families with same-sex parents that have more than two adults as parents. This may be the case if there was a sperm donor and the parents choose to keep the sperm or egg donor as part of the family. More common is when a heterosexual couple separates after the child is born and one of the parents identifies themselves as gay or lesbian. There’s nothing wrong with having more than two parents but it’s important to establish how involved everyone will be with the children’s development.
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I remember the pain when I realized I was different and when I didn't have the words to describe that difference..... I clearly remember an incident when I was young.  I was watching some boys play basketball, they were joking about homosexuals. I asked one of them what was a homosexual and he told me to look it up in the dictionary. That evening I did and the next day I told him it's about two men or two women being attracted to each other and I said I think that's me. He then picked me up and set me on a fence post and said that's evil and sick and you should never tell anyone that..... So I began to learn what others thought about my feelings.......
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Around the age of three I became very involved in a Christian church and God became my best friend. Eventually I began to struggle wondering why if God loved me why would God do this to me. As I grew into my teenage years I regularly prayed for God to take away my attraction. But it never went away.  I became afraid that I would be alone the rest of my life. That I would never feel love or express love. That I would lose my family if they found out and that my church would kick me out. So I believed I had to make a choice between my spirituality and my sexuality........
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Even though children of same-sex parents may have faced different challenges, they can still receive the same love and support that children with heterosexual parents receive. According to a study from the American Psychological Association, there was no scientific evidence to show that being an effective parent was related to the parent’s sexual orientation.
  
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How could I love myself if God and my church hated who I really was.
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In fact, same-sex parents “tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average, because they chose to be parents,” according to Abbie Goldberg, a psychologist at Clark University in Massachusetts who’s researched gay and lesbian parenting. This in turn can even lead to kids with same-sex parents being in better physical health and social well-being.
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My church was saying I was sinful, the law was saying I was a criminal and psychiatry was saying I was sick. While this has changed in some places, it hasn't in most of the world........
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I believe that God loves us unconditionally. There is nothing you can do to cause God to love you more and nothing you can do to cause God to love you less.  We live in this bubble of love all the time and yet we don't recognize it because of what's thrown at us by faith communities and society.  We're constantly told that we're not worthy, not good enough, not pretty enough, not holy enough.  If it is true that God loves us unconditionally then maybe it's time we love ourselves unconditionally and that involves accepting our own differences and forgiving our own mistakes. This means loving ourselves not in spite of our differences but because of our differences.......  The uniqueness we bring into the world is our gift to the world.  For me, my uniqueness is being gay, for you it may be differing abilities or body type or whatever.........
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What does this all show? It shouldn’t matter who a child’s parents are because love is love.
  
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One definition of spirituality is a belief in something more beyond the physical universe.  The experience and expression of spirituality is different for each of us.  We see things differently. I see a sunset and I see God, an atheist sees the same sunset and sees the laws of nature.  Both are correct. So when you claim your spirituality remember that other people will claim spiritualities different from yours.  They will see things differently.  One of the main beliefs at our church is that there are many paths to God and Christianity is one of them.....
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'''For more information on Mera’s “Love is Love” message''', visit http://bigworldlittleom.com.
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And as you claim your spirituality I hope that you will find a faith community who will accept you and your uniqueness.  Find one or create one......  A faith community at its best is one where you can explore life's big questions - why are we here, is there life after death, how can we be more forgiving, more generous, it's a place that challenges us to be open to new ideas, calls us to help each other through difficult times and encourages us to be more engaged in loving ourselves and loving our neighbours.  We all can benefit from being part of a faith community like this where we can explore our own unique spiritualities in the company of others and bring forward all of ourselves including our sexuality........
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I was told of a story once and I was told it was true, about a 3 year old girl who when her parents said they were going to have another baby was so happy and said she wanted to talk to the baby by herself.  When the baby finally arrived the little girl repeated "I want to talk to the baby by myself." The parents placed the baby in the crib and went into the next room to listen on the monitor.  They could hear the girl walk up to the crib and say to the baby "would you tell me about God, I've almost forgotten"........
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I believe we all come from God and at birth we begin a natural process of moving away from our source.  We naturally begin to be independent, to breathe on our own, eat on our own, walk on our own and think on our own.  When we claim our spirituality and find our spiritual home we can reconnect to our source, to where we really come from........
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One of the sayings that guides me in life is Dwell on the Positives while dealing with the negatives.  So while we have much work to do it's also true that we really have come a long way.......
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In 1981 at a demonstration  I was held by 2 police officers and beaten by a third.  As the violence increased I went on a 25 day hunger strike demanding an investigation into the relationship between the  police and the LGBT community. Fast forward 30 years. A young man went to his Dad and said he and his girlfriend were going to get married but they didn't know anyone do to the wedding.  His dad said you know Brent, why don't you ask him to do the wedding.  That Dad was the Chief of Police of Toronto.  We've come a long way....
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On Jan 14, 2001 I performed the first legal marriages for a gay and lesbian couple anywhere in the world.  Because of the death threats I had to wear a bulletproof vest, I was assaulted that morning during a worship service, for the weddings there were 50 police officers in the church, and I had 12 bodyguards protecting me. Some of the toughest looking lesbians you've ever seen and one gay man coordinating it. There were protesters outside.  The weddings proceeded without incident.  The government refused to recognize them so we took them to court. Our case was joined with other cases.  We won and that's how Canada became the first country to have a legal same sex wedding, we've come a long way......
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One day In June of 2007 I received a phone call from the office of the Governor General of Canada telling me that a selection committee headed by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court  had selected me for our country's highest honour, the Order of Canada for my work on behalf of the LGBT community.....  While this symbolizes how far we've come, frankly, it was also make possible because I made the choice to embrace both my spirituality and my sexuality.......
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So now I have the words to describe who I am and I feel blessed to be who I am.
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And I hope you, too, can get to the place of loving yourself including your uniqueness, claiming your spirituality and finding your spiritual home.....
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So here we are today, I am an openly gay man talking about spirituality and sexuality and that it’s ok to be gay.  However, there are nearly 70 countries in the world where everyone in this room, gay or straight , would be arrested just for attending this talk.  And in 10 of those countries, those of us who are gay or lesbian would be executed. And every few minutes of every day a transgender person is murdered.,.....All of us have a lot of work to do to ensure that everyone has a safe place to be who they are and find a spiritual home. That may mean taking risks, speaking up to a friend, challenging bullying, confronting bigotry wherever we find it.......
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Sexuality is a gift from God and yet most religious institutions are very sex negative.  This sex negative attitude has led to hatred and violence towards sexual minorities, discriminatory laws, self-hatred and even suicide.......On the one hand you have your sexuality or whatever your uniqueness is and on the other hand you have your spirituality. You don't have to give up one for the other. It's time to take back power over our own spirituality and take back power over our own sexuality and stop letting religious institutions or religious leaders force us to choose one over the other...You can embrace both.....Thank you.
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Past Guest Commentary/Opinion articles can be viewed [[Past Guest Commentary/Opinion Articles | here]].
 
Past Guest Commentary/Opinion articles can be viewed [[Past Guest Commentary/Opinion Articles | here]].
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Revision as of 20:22, 22 December 2017

Mera

PLEASE NOTE: Past Guest Commentary/Opinion articles can be viewed here.

Why Kids with Same-Sex Parents Aren’t Different from Other Kids

By: Mera

To understand why kids with same sex parents aren’t different from other kids, we must first look back at history. Back in 1960, over 70 percent of the children in the U.S. lived in a traditional household. A traditional household was considered to be made up of a mother and father in their first marriage. A lot has changed in the last 57 years. That figure has dropped to below half of the families in this country.

Why’s this so? Well, divorce rates are up, there are more single parent families and a lot more same-sex parents. It’s difficult to estimate how many same-sex parents there are because of fear of safety and discrimination. One thing’s for certain: the nuclear family is no longer the modern family. According to a 2010 study by Stanford researcher Michael Rosenfeld of census data on school advancement, kids with same-sex parents fare no worse than those of opposite sex parents.

Which issues face both kids with same-sex parents and opposite-sex parents?

Establishing Solid Role Models for Children: Gender roles according to society are no longer the norm. A strong family doesn’t have to consist of a male breadwinner and a female homemaker who watches the children. To be role model figures for their children, parents should demonstrate proper morals and behavior that they would want their kids to emulate. This includes being good human beings, honest, respectful, supportive and loving. That’s what matters most.

Saving Money for College Tuition: With less middle class jobs (and blue collar jobs) available due to advancing technology, it’s becoming almost mandatory to have a college diploma for even retail and entry level positions. Attending an in state college can cost $25,000 a semester (or $200,000 for four years!).

Addiction: Substance abuse has been on the rise among children ages 12 and older. Substance abuse isn’t limited to illicit drugs like heroin and cocaine but also prescription medication and alcohol. This makes it even more important for parents to communicate and educate their kids about substance abuse prevention. Though these children may lead happy, fulfilling lives, this does not mean they don’t face added challenges that wouldn’t appear to their counterparts with heterosexual parents.

Discrimination: Bullying exists in all schools and it’s difficult to combat. Children of same-sex parents will face the stigma of having two parents of the same gender. It’s unfortunate but it will pass. The key is that these children need to know that their parents love them no matter what.

Having More Than 2 Parents: There are some families with same-sex parents that have more than two adults as parents. This may be the case if there was a sperm donor and the parents choose to keep the sperm or egg donor as part of the family. More common is when a heterosexual couple separates after the child is born and one of the parents identifies themselves as gay or lesbian. There’s nothing wrong with having more than two parents but it’s important to establish how involved everyone will be with the children’s development.

Even though children of same-sex parents may have faced different challenges, they can still receive the same love and support that children with heterosexual parents receive. According to a study from the American Psychological Association, there was no scientific evidence to show that being an effective parent was related to the parent’s sexual orientation.

In fact, same-sex parents “tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average, because they chose to be parents,” according to Abbie Goldberg, a psychologist at Clark University in Massachusetts who’s researched gay and lesbian parenting. This in turn can even lead to kids with same-sex parents being in better physical health and social well-being.

What does this all show? It shouldn’t matter who a child’s parents are because love is love.

For more information on Mera’s “Love is Love” message, visit http://bigworldlittleom.com.

Past Guest Commentary/Opinion articles can be viewed here.

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